Thursday, November 27, 2014

O'er the Fields We Go, Cussing All the Way

Happy Thanksgiving, my leetle cabbages!

In honor of all who are presently cooling their heels in an airport lounge in Chicago as the Thanksgiving feast cools upon the table in Connecticut... in honor of those who are now sitting in their automobiles on a parkway that has turned into a parking lot, wondering why they didn't have the foresight to bring along a bucket of Kentucky Fried before embarking...in honor of those who are currently thinking, "To hell with this - next year, let's just stay home and send out for pizza!"  :

I bring to you a Guest Blogger.

Here, without further ado, are the less-than-merry misadventures of my cousin Christine, who guilelessly agreed to visit us from Canada two weeks ago in honor of my mother's birthday party, patriotically entrusted herself to the tender mercies of her national airline, and is here to tell us the tale, after learning for herself that, in sorry truth, no good deed goes unpunished.  But I'll let Christine tell you about it....

I am not a morning person, and would have been grouchy all the way to the JFK airport were it not for the beautiful sunrise and spectacular view of the Hudson River and New York City along the way.  I was supposed to leave at 5:30 p.m.; that's what I booked and that's what I paid for, but a certain national airline of a certain country bordering the USA to the north has decided that I should leave at 10:30 a.m. instead, and has graciously changed my flight without asking my permission. 

Unfortunately, my connecting flight in Toronto was not changed, leaving me with a 9 hour layover.   At check-in, they assume my final destination is Toronto.  When I correct the nice gentleman at the counter he replies "Wow, you have such a long layover - your connecting flight doesn't even show on my screen!"  I thank him for reminding me, but tell him that customer service has told me there are no earlier flights.  "On the contrary", he replies "there is an earlier flight which appears to be fully booked, but when you arrive in Toronto, you should ask to be put on standby".  I thank him and check in. 

After an uneventful flight to Toronto, I head over to the customer service desk, where a clerk informs me that she is not allowed to put anyone on standby for the earlier flight.  "Fine," I say "then perhaps you could give me a complimentary pass to the lounge so I can at least be comfortable for the 9 hours I will spend here."  I am informed that the lounge is only for elite passengers, which makes me feel highly valued. 

Speaking a little louder now, I wonder how an airline could steal an entire day of my vacation and offer me absolutely no compensation.  This prompts the clerk to check with her supervisor, which results in her obtaining permission to put me on the standby list for the earlier flight.

When my name is called in the departure lounge, my heart skips a beat.  I joined another lucky standby passenger, and, trotting down the ramp to the aircraft, we giddily comment on our good fortune and pinkie swear that we'll both buy lottery tickets as soon as we land. 

Settled in my seat and waiting to push away from the gate, I notice a couple of drops of liquid dripping on the head of the man in front of me.  He notices, too.  He calls the flight attendant over and informs her that something is leaking.  She indicates that it is likely condensation caused by the cold weather.  I point out that the liquid is bright yellow (obvious on his snow-white hair).  She calls for a mechanic.  The mechanic comes and checks out the situation.  Shortly after the mechanic leaves, the captain announces that de-icing fluid is leaking into the cabin, which is indicative of a hole in the fuselage, so we will not be using this aircraft today.  We are directed to disembark and wait in the lounge area for instructions. 

The lounge lady tells us that they will be securing another aircraft, which will leave gate D28 in two hours.  In the meantime, we can go to any food kiosk, show our boarding pass and have up to $10 worth of food at the airline's expense.  I am not particularly hungry, but am genetically predisposed to frugality and therefore decide to get my $10 worth of food.  I try two different kiosks, where they have no idea what I am talking about and looked at me with such suspicion that I feel like a criminal. 

I give up on food and go to gate D28.  Unpack laptop, get to work.  Next gate over, they are preparing to board a flight from Vancouver and announce that instead of a 777 they have received a 767, so about 40 passengers will not be boarding the flight.  The guy sitting next to me freaks out, as he has been away from his family for 3 weeks and doesn't want to miss his kid's birthday.  Mayhem ensues, and 40 ticked-off people shuffle off.  Things are quiet again.

Looking up from my keyboard I notice that the board at the gate in front of me no longer lists my flight, but a later flight is up there.  I pack everything up, go find a monitor, and discover that my flight has been moved to another gate.  Find gate, unpack, check monitor 30 minutes later, notice monitor has changed, pack up, move to new gate, unpack, and FINALLY board my flight at five minutes prior to the rescheduled departure time.  Wait and wait for de-icing and, fortunately, there don't seem to be any holes in this aircraft.  Takeoff is about 30 minutes late.

So, in the end, I arrive in Winnipeg at 9:30 p.m.  One hour earlier than my originally scheduled flight…the 5:30 p.m. one that they cancelled on me in the first place.

In Winnipeg, I wait for the longest time for my luggage and just when I decide it probably didn't make the flight, someone from my flight comes over, taps me on the shoulder, and suggests that if I didn't find my bag on the carousel marked AC 267 Toronto, I should try the carousel marked with a Calm Air flight arriving from Thompson.  Sure enough, that's where it is.

I think WestJet really needs to speed up their expansion plans.

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