Giving Thanks

I know someone who likes to say, "I'm grateful today for everything I have, and for everything I don't have... And what I don't have today is pain, misery and suffering."

It's a funny thing about the nature of discontent.  Much of the time, it seems to be a matter of comparing oneself to the wrong people.  I could, with perfect reason, wake up every morning overwhelmed by my good fortune at living in a house whose roof does not leak, and whose mortgage is paid (this month, anyway), as opposed to waking up freezing in a tent in Afghanistan, or in a cardboard box under a scaffolding off the West Side Highway.  And some mornings, I do.  I am cognizant of the fact that a series of lucky breaks - among others, having been being born in this particular country, having been given a free education, having had parents who gave me a good start in life, having a mate whose business had managed to survive the economic roller-coaster of the last decade - are the reasons I'm waking up in a warm bed, instead of on a sidewalk or a dirt floor.  I did not reap these advantages because I am intrinsically more deserving of them than is anybody who did not get them.  I just got lucky.  I have these blessings for no discernible reason, and all I need to do now is to hold onto them, and not throw them away with both hands.

But there are the mornings when I wake up in a bad mood, and suddenly I want what I don't have.  Suddenly I'm comparing my Blooper Reel to other people's Highlights Reel.  And suddenly, all my blessings become my burdens.  For, as Lucifer remarks in Paradise Lost, 

The mind is its own place, and in it self
Can make a Heav’n of Hell, a Hell of Heav’n.

Those are never the good days.  It swiftly becomes apparent what they mean when they say, "Compare and despair."  Compared to me, everybody is suddenly more successful than I am.  Compared to me, everybody who lives in Manhattan is luckier than anybody who no longer lives in Manhattan - i.e., me.  Compared to me, everybody I ever attended school with made better career choices than I did.  Compared to me, everybody is in better physical shape, and compared to me everybody looks like a gym rat.  Suddenly, I have become the only three-toed sloth on the planet.  Compared to me, everybody is winning either the Pulitzer Prize, the Nobel Prize, or the National Book Award. (Seriously.  All of a sudden, I'm the only person I know who hasn't swept all three.)

So today, I'm going to think about what I don't have, and I'm going to think about what I do have, and I'm going to be grateful for both.

1. I don't have an incurable disease, chronic pain, or severe mental illness.  I have known people who have these things, and their lives are heroic daily battles just to survive and make it through the next 24 hours.  I do have a good chance of staying healthy if I take care of myself, eat right, and exercise. And for that - I am grateful.  This is a blessing that many people would give anything to have.

2. I don't have a miserable marriage to somebody who does not love me, or who, God forbid, actively mistreats me.  I do have a loving and supportive spouse who has stuck with me through thick and thin for the last ten years, and whom I can always count on to try his best to do the right thing, every single day since I have known him.  And for that - I am grateful.  This is a blessing many people would give anything to have.

3. I don't have a child who drinks, drugs, or gets into trouble.  I do have a child who is healthy, who has all his limbs and his organs intact, who is polite and well-spoken, and who is attending college and working hard to make good grades.  And for that - I am grateful.  This is a blessing that many people would give anything to have.

4.  I don't have to visit a cemetery if I want to see my parents.  I do still have both my parents, alive, and even still married to one another.  And for that - I am grateful.  This is a blessing that many people would give anything to have.

5. I don't have to break my brain wondering how on earth we are going to scrape together market-rate rent in Manhattan by December 1, so that we can do it all over again and break our brains wondering how we'll do it again on January 1, at which point the rent would be going up because the lease would have expired. I do have a beautiful, spacious home which we will own outright in a relatively short time - short, that is, compared to the 34 years I spent paying rent and never actually owning anything in the city. Oh - and when I get home, I don't have to circle the block for thirty minutes looking for parking, because I do have space for one-two-three-four-FIVE cars in my very own driveway.  And for that - I am grateful. This is a blessing that many people would give anything to have.

6. I don't have blindness.  I can read anything I like, anytime I like.  And I do live in a country where books and journalism representing a wide variety of views are readily available, and where artistic creativity is not censored and free speech is considered a right.  And for that - I am grateful.  This is a blessing that many people would give anything to have.

7. I don't have to go dip up unsanitized water with a bucket for my daily washing and drinking needs.  I do have an abundant supply of fresh, clean water, and all I have to do is turn on a tap whenever I want it.  And for that - I am grateful. This is a blessing that many people would give anything to have.

8. I don't have to depend on the fruits of my own labors to produce enough food to get me through the winter.  I do have a car, gas to make it run, and plenty of places to buy food - both supermarket and local farm stands - and have never yet had to face the prospect of being hungry because there was literally nothing available to eat.  And for that - I am grateful. This is a blessing that many people would give anything to have.

9. I don't have to be alone if I don't feel like it.  I do have an abundance of cherished friends who love me, and whom I love in return.  And for that - I am grateful. This is a blessing that many people would give anything to have.

10. I don't have somebody who cleans my house for me.  That's because I do have sound limbs, the willingness, and the energy to do my own cleaning.  As I get older, I realize that the day may come when I will wish I was still able to mop my own floor and do my own laundry.  Right now, I still can.  And for that - I am grateful. This is a blessing that many people would give anything to have.

I feel good now, and I hope that you, Gentle Reader, feel good now, too.  And, as another friend of mine used to say, "If nobody told you today that they love you - I love you."  The fact that love exists in this world, and that all I have to do to get my fair share is be willing to give it and receive it - for that, too, I am eternally grateful.